It’s hard to love your body
when it’s the reason:
repeated
repeated
repeated
repeated
damage and transgressions.
It’s hard
to not want–
claw
shred
rip
–your own skin off
with shining acrylic
nails, a coffin shape,
etched to kill.
Or make yourself unappealing—
to get so
fat
averted eyes protect your dignity—
or conversely
to get so thin
you can’t
be seen. To be
so thin
that you disappear.
Or
skip the thin
and just
disappear all together.
You can’t violate the air,
Or the mist,
Or the wind.
So become the sky
line drawn
like a race track to heaven—
or hell.
depending
on which God you
believe in. Perhaps
just the abyss.
A white nothingness for all
eternity. With so
much bullshit,
a lot of nothing
sounds
sweet.
Kariana Writing 